Thursday, April 14, 2016

Making The First Move

If you didn’t get the chance to tune in and listen to last weeks’ periscope (@smrtsexintimacy) on making a move please keep reading! 
I want to start off this blog by reiterating that consent is key, it just has to be there. While I don’t think you always need to explicitly ask for permission to make a move on someone- I think it’s important to notice certain clues. There is also something to be said about rejection. Rejection is not the worst thing to happen to you- rejection is an answer. If you are nervous and debate making a move and the situation gets drawn out with worry and you get invested and they are not interested you’re going to be more upset. If you try to make a move and they are not interested- you are free to move on and not dwell. Don’t worry, rejection happens to all of us.
How can I tell if someone is interested?
Have you ever been sitting by someone on the couch and they scoot closer? Maybe they go from sitting up straight to slouching a little so their arm/leg touches yours. Maybe that eye contact you’ve been noticing goes from your eyes to your lips and back while maintaining interest. 
Watching how someone responds to you with their body is a great way to start to gauge interest. Someone who may be interested or open to moving forward with something is going to be more available for contact. If the person sitting on the couch with you is sitting on the other side of the couch with their legs up under them, knees facing away from you—maybe ask them, instead of just assuming the clues.
I’m not against explicitly asking, many times in my life someone has asked me, ‘May I …” for whatever and it can be quite endearing. I’ve also heard the opposite as well, so it honestly depends. There was wonderful advice on the movie Hitch. Will Smith’s character (he’s very skilled with the ladies) is talking to Kevin James’ character (who is not skilled with the ladies) about moving in for the move and just going 90%. By not assuming the other party is interested, you allow them the chance to opt in with the 10%. 
A quick way to see if someone is open to you making a move is to make your 90% move. Scoot over by them on the couch- awkward, right? Its fine, life is awkward sometimes. Or you could make it a verbal 90% by asking if they want to sit by you or if you can sit by them. If walking, maybe brush your hand by their hand and see if they reach to hold it. Whisper in their ear and pull back just a little and wait (use discretion with this … Don’t be that person who just breathes hot air on someone’s cheek while they wait for it).
But Jordan, what do I do if I want to make a move though? How do I just DO it??
I’m going to share with you my go-to, favorite, trickster moves. There is almost no failure rate, and maybe that’s because I’m female, but maybe they’re just that good. Keep in mind I’m in my late twenties, not my early teens, and date men in their late twenties/early thirties. If these grade school tricks still work on adults, I’m sure there is no age limit on it. 
  1. Get close.
    1. Whisper stuff to them, this gets your mouth close to their mouth. You’ll be able to tell if they’re not stoked about it because they’ll tell you to back up or they will start coming up with silly stuff to whisper to you. I don’t care how macho you feel, grown men sometimes lean over and whisper silly stuff in people’s ears. 
  2. Initiate Physical Contact
    1. Like I alluded to earlier, get a hand/arm/leg/hip/back/ whatever to touch this person. Preferably skin to skin (Bare arm to bare arm, or whatever fancy thing you’re wearing that allows that). The feeling of skin on skin is arousing- or distressing, both are great clues for you!! 
  3. Progress physical contact
    1. You can be that person to ask for a ‘back scratch’. Do you know why people always make jokes about how back rubs in the front room lead to front rubs in the back room? Because it works. Tracing fingers on the back/front of hands (which are very sensitive) feels good and continues to stimulate the skin to skin contact that lets all sorts of great feel good hormones: These feel good hormones work in your favor!!
    2. Hand tracing can go to arm tracing which can lead to shoulder and neck and … I mean… if you can touch the face, throat- you’re pretty set. Honestly, think about it, how many people do you let touch your throat? You’re not going to let someone you distrust touch such a vulnerable area on you, unless you thrive on danger, in that case you are an outlier.
  4. Close it (kiss!! Kiss!!)
    1. Start cheek if you want. Light, lingering cheek kisses can transform into pretty passionate smooches. People kiss their grandmothers on the cheek. Culturally, cheek kisses are not intimidating- people use them to say ‘hello!’ This does allow people to exercise their 10% though. If a cheek kiss is all it’s going to be- that’s all it’s going to be. If the person who is attached to the cheek you just kissed is wanting more, they’re going to make it more.
I hope this helps. Honestly. Let me know if you have any other good tips below or on our Facebook page! I’m always looking for ways to help my clients grow and succeed. Has this worked on you or have you used this before? I can’t be the only one who goes from giggles and tickling to kisses and conversation.  Check back here next week for our summary on ‘Sex and pain’ (or just tune in live 4/14/16).


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